An Advocate for 'Future-Love'
In a haze of excitement and content to be rekindled and re-involved with wandering in nearby cities (this time the sprawling city of Queens, NY) I met an Internet favorite –“The New York Culturalist”.
We met as I asked him for directions to a studio where I was to meet a friend for a photoshoot, the topic of discussion with that friend would be “f***boys”. Elevator doors open, I ask the Culturalist for directions and he answers me in kind – intro over. I meet my friend, conversation ensues, another young lady in the room with me shares the same attitude consisting of multiple eye rolls and a whole lot of lip pursing as we defend the women of the world who are not looking for these ‘boys’ and instead are self-investing till a man comes along. Women who are intelligent, confident, talented, strivers, like the pair of us don’t even use the term since these boys aren’t on our radar – still our good male friend swears that is just the type of guy women want. His argument: he’s good looking, is talented on multiple levels, is an artist, has good manners, well spoken, the whole gamut and yet the ladies he’s met simply are not looking for quality – they seem to be looking for charm, some display of wealth, an endless appetite for new places to dine (to share with a girl who shares that appetite), but what makes this man most attractive is his no-fail douche-bag-ness. Yes, if he wont answer your texts on the same day, fails to return calls, isn’t the first to text in the morning and the last text at night, he is the one. (Insert eye roll for days, and a good ol’ teeth sucking, Caribbean style)
Back to the Culturalist – later in the conversation he joins in and fully agrees with my friend and goes on to bash the women of NYC applauding every point mentioned above. We continued to chat throughout the day, eventually exchanging names and “what do you do’s” till he mentioned his blog and went on to point out his most popular post; “You Can’t Date In New York City”. Obviously I’ve read it. My thoughts: yes, this generation is hooked on the perception of being social while really being isolated, but also, yes you CAN date in NYC. By the end of the evening he had called me a unicorn noting that a woman who looked like me “never” acted like me (insert 'thinking' emoji). Apparently by design I am not supposed to be nice, or smart, or kind, or nerdy, or down to earth, or sensible, or mature, or attentive, engaging, smart, educated, and to top it off what I am supposed to be is manipulative or otherwise crazy.
There are lots of wonderful people in and everywhere around this city and the world. The fact that a man can say "women only want 'f***boys' ”, and a woman can say “most men nowadays are just that” shows that there are tons of outliers. So put the phone down, grab a glass, sit across the table from some one and be genuine. Ladies, no, you are not a JennerKardashianKravits Tumblr bae so stop pretending to be. Gentlemen, you are not the last man on the planet - no one will wait forever. Be you and please don’t think there is no future-love, love is alive and kickin’ and out there for you…even in NYC.